It's been a long time!

Well I guess my break lasted longer than I thought it would . . not any wiser or thinner . . lol
On my break I have had a tummy tuck, been in the hospital for an infection because of the tummy tuck. Seen both of my sisters go through a transformation with there weight loss battles and enjoyed both my children and grand-daughter. I am still blessed with both my parents who are in good health and a brother who takes the weight of the world on his shoulders, what a great guy!

I am doing a lot of soul searching these days on what I truly want out of my life . . other than the usual . . healthy family, staying employed . . . I am thinking about setting some goals for the next year . . . revolutions . . well not sure if that is what I am going to call them . . but they will be realistic . .

For the first time in a long time I think I will have love in my future . . or I am finally thinking that love for me could be possible . . . I will talk about this in a future blog. . . yes i am planning on blogging again . . for those who have hung around . . thanks and stay tuned . . .

Kristy

A camping I will go . .

Tomorrow I'm going camping . . in a camper with my son and grand-daughter and I feel like I'm a little kid. Camp fires, marshmallows . . here's the kicker . . I'm only going to be about eight miles from home. My brother and his family and friends go to the local camp ground a couple times a year and pretend they are far away from home. They all meet at one camp site and sit by the fire and relax, laugh and just enjoy each others company.
My parents just purchased this new camper so their grandchildren and their great grandchildren could experience camping like we did when we were younger. I use to love to go camping with my parents . . my brother loved to fish and my sisters would hang out and I LOVED TO SLEEP . . there is nothing like sleeping in the great outdoors. I have great memories of my family and those camping trips, we were a close family back than and still are.
But . . now that I'm MUCH older and my body hurts when it's not in my own bed . . I figured eight miles from home . . heck I can stay at the state park and leave at bed time . . shower at home and then head back to the park the next morning . . . so am I really camping?

Maybe I'll call this my "Mini Camping Trip" . . . lol

Blogging Vacation

I have been on a blogger's vacation . . . what that means . . I'm not sure. At almost 52 years old who would have thought that I would miss my home computer. I have been without a home computer for months and it was just to sick to fix. . . now I'm back in business. I thought I didn't need a computer . . how would I keep up with my world traveling daughter? or pay my bills? I was lost and I can't believe that I depend on an online typewriter.

I'm the biggest blog stalker of all and the only way I could catch up on, Ron, Chase, Mel, Pam and everyone else I stalk was getting on line at work . . which isn't always that easy. Reading all those blogs is like peaking in the window's of their souls. I am just a nonsense blogger . . . not really saying anything life changing or interesting but take the time to check out all the interesting writers out there and you will discover so much talent.

What's wrong with a little "Respect"

Aretha sang about it but I can't seem to get any of it . . . respect!

I have been living in my current home for about 7 years now. The people across the street have been there the same amount of time. A nice older women . . a few years older than I raising her granddaughters . . . . well now that girls have grown and there absent mothers are now back and also living there with all the part time boyfriends stopping by . . not a problem.
The problem is that from midnight to 5 or 6 am they sit on the porch and giggle . . . the boyfriends stop by with their radios blaring and they hollower back and forth over the radio and giggling. They are young and I respect that . . it's summer and I respect that also . . . however . . I'm old and have a job.
I am always reminding people when they come to my house in the evening that my driveway runs along my neighbor's to the south and the boys bedroom window is right there where they can hear . . so I'm always careful not to wake them up, I don't use my auto car lock on my keys as it makes a loud noise but lock the doors just before I get out . . . how hard is it to be considerate of you neighbors?
Many of my neighbor's have called the police and they have responded but it only makes them louder they think it's funny. We (my four neighbor's) are yes I admit are a little afraid of confronting them even with friendly conversation . . . they are intimidating and the company that is stopping my over there is not the kind you would want to make angry . . . so what's a girl to do?
So this is my rant for the day . . . common courtesy is not a thing of the past!

My 10K Experience

Well as most of you know I've been freaking out about the commitment that I made to do a 10K walk/race with my friend Pam. Well I survived . . no sore legs or knees a small blister on my little toe . . . yes I'm being a baby!
The weather was beautiful and despite the killer hill that lasted for a mile and a half I did it in 1:44 . . . I thought it would take me about 2 1/2 hours . . . and if I finished any better I was going to reward myself with a Pandora Bracelet . . which I'm now sporting.
A bonus for the weekend is I got to see a life long friend and visit with her and her husband, if only briefly.
I could have never imanaged 3 years ago and over 300 lbs I would be able to climb a hill let alone walk a 10k race . . . gastric bypass was not the easy way out but I feel like it has given me my life back!
I have thought for the last year or so that I was content to be the weight and strength I am but after this past weekend I know that I have the ability to be more, do more and push myself more and who'd figured at almost 52 I'd finally be coming into myself. Gosh just think what I will be able to do in 10 more years . . .
WHAT WOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO DO IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD NOT FAIL?

My obession with other people's junk!

They say on man's junk in another man's treasure . . and I believe that. I have yet to convince my children that junk picking is an art . . there is junk picker's edict to follow and all in all it can be quite rewarding. My house, yard, garage and life are filled with "my treasures". I have been going to the flea markets and junk picking since I was about 17 years old . . and heck I'm good at it. I have a solid cedar chest that I used as a coffee table for years and like the original owner I have memories of my own with it . . the two cat's who couldn't quit scratching at the corner's . . and who can forget my two children fighting while I was a work and Kev breaking his foot on that same corner as he tried to kick his sister . . . OH SWEET MEMORIES!

I have tried to curb my collection of "junk", but living within walking to a flea market that runs April - October is like a heroin junkie living next door to his dealer . . . it's so hard. I have to say that seeing on how I'm working toward selling my home and looking for a smaller one I have not been buying any goodies . . but then last weekend it was like a miracle . . really Jess! There it was an old window the perfect size for a place in my bedroom - it was calling my name and I caved . . it' perfect . . peeling paint . . rusted old window latch . . how much better can it get you say . . . it was a bargain price of . . . are you ready . . . $5.oo . . . oh don't to toy with me! I am now the proud owner of that beautiful window.

I actually think I have a fascination with old windows - I have four old windows hanging in my living room, chipped paint and all. I'm using two really cool old "8 pane" windows as a head board for my bed. I wonder if the fascination with windows is that I'm wondering who looked out those windows so long ago and what they saw . . . or maybe it's just because I like old things, I always have. I don't have a lot of priceless antiques but the treasures I do have I love. I'm always telling my kids when I' m gone they should think twice about tossing my "junk" because some treasure do have some value, but maybe it was the thrill of the hunt that makes it a real value to me!

This summer I'm going to try to lure Jessie to the "dark side" with me . . I'll let you know how it goes . . . I'm sure I can find a flea market or an antique festival that will be calling my name and in time with enough convincing . . . maybe Jessie will get the calling . . OH a Mom can dream can't she!

Memorial Day

In honor of all who have served in the past, are currently serving this Country. I thank you!

I've always known what Memorial Day stood for, my dad was in the Army, he never went to war but he served and that needs to be honored. My Uncle Mike went to Vietnam, I remember how scared my mom was while he was there, even though I was young. I remember watching the TV when the war was over and the Serviceman arrived at airports all over this Country while their families waited for them to step back on "our soil". I will forever remember my children's faces as they watched the Golf War unfold on CNN for everyone to see. But Memorial Day has forever affected me because I now am the mother of a Veteran, I have a son who has seen the face of war and the horror that goes along with it. I see the affect on him everyday.
As an American not a mother I will forever be thankful for our Servicemen & Women. It takes more courage than we will ever know to put on that uniform and do what it takes for us to live the life we do.

My friend Annette sent her son, David off to Iraq before I sent my son, Kevin and I wondered how her and her husband could even get out of bed each day and go on with their day to day lives but they did . . . and than it was my turn to swing both of my legs over that side of the bed and go through the day. It wasn't easy but this is not about me . . .

When my son left for Iraq I asked my family and friends to put an electric candle in a window in their home that they would see everyday - and when they saw that light to say a prayer for our troops fighting around the world. Maybe someone would commented on the candle and then they could explain why they had it on, and then maybe they to would put a candle in their window and so on. My intent was when my son came home I would turn off the candle but I have left it on, it is a constant remember that somewhere on the other side of the world someone is missing their loved ones so I can be free.

A heartfelt thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Pushing myself or just quilting myself?

OK - so I'm going to walk this race on Mackinaw Island in June - little over 6 miles . . and I'm freaking already. So I have started this hard core (ok hard core for me) training schedule. I'm going to this place on the River Walk that is away from the normal walker crowd - it has some activity but not like the beautiful walk along the river - this walk has no view to speak of but it a great 2.5 miles to train on. I power walk most of the trail but just before I start to cool down I Wiggle Run . . that is what overweight old women do when they can't run . . . lol

I wonder where this strength has come from and why didn't I have this when I was younger?

I did a 5k on Saturday and it was kind of a crazy course - some pavement some trail. It had rained the night before and was slippery in spots but I did pretty well 50:30, which for an old gal isn't bad. I am really not in the best of shape if you were to look at me but I have found a strength that is amazing even me! Walking for exercise is really becomming addicting - it's becoming almost a guilty pleasure - I wonder how I ever did it without an IPod before. Sometimes when I'm driving down the road and hear a song I want to walk to I find myself searching for a pen and paper to write it down so I can download it to walk to . . . what's that about!


I'm always telling my kids about "hind site" and how it really is always 20/20, and in this case taking care of myself years ago would have been the thing to do. But there goes that hind site again. I know that I have lived more than half my life already . . . and I'm living it and enjoying what I got left to the fullest and those dirty dishes that I'm leaving in the sink so I can walk or watch Hanna play will just have to wait!

Being a Mother!

I got an e;mail you know one that had been forwarded to about a million people and then me. It was called "Being a Mother" I thought I would do my own version.

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby; there is no more normal after you have children life as you now it is never the same . . and for the better

Somebody said being a mother is boring; being the mother of Jessica and Kevin has never been boring. That someone never had to drive around with Jess when she had her permit . . . yikes . . or listen to what Kevin thought was music

Somebody said if you've a "good" mother, your child will turn out good; they didn't come with directions and they did both turn out good . . although they are still a work in progress

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise there voices; that mother didn't have a bunch of teenage boys drinking in her basement when she was at work . . .

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother; that somebody never helped . . tried to help her kids do math or fix broken hearts

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books; she never had a son who put a bean in his nose, marshmallows in the VCR, grasshoppers in a box without a lid that fit under his bed, a little girl who wore the same "Minny" dress until it completely fell apart, try to convince her children that cats are as good as dogs

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child is grown; that mother never sent her daughter to Washington DC when she was 16, and then years later watched her leave to travel around the world. That mother never had to hold her son minutes before he left to go to war and wondered if she would ever get the chance to hold him again.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home. That somebody isn't a grandmother!

I have been blessed to have two wonderful children. They are a blessing a challenge and my friends. I have been there enemy, warden, judge, jury, confident, hairdresser, counselor but best of all I have been their mother, mommy, mom, madrea, heady face . .

What happens in the Spring?

Remember the movie Bambi?? When the little skunks get "twitterpated" . . crazy in love, well I think they were just crazy with Spring Fever. Something happens to us when the days become longer and the sun starts to feel warm on our skin. I feel like a crazy women this Spring . . I have so much I want to do I feel like a caterpillar coming out of my "winter cocoon" shedding my old winter skin. I love waking up to the sound of the birds singing in the trees . . . heck I just like waking up . . lol!

I'm celebrating all the simple things these days. There has been madness in my life lately, actual gun shots on my block, tons of crazy overtime and yet I'm celebrating my blessed life . . . . yes Young Traveler time does go by fast . . wait until you are over 40 and see how fast life goes by. Each Spring is like a rebirth of nature and ourselves . .

Rejoice in this Spring and get a little silly in the craziness of the excitement . . . get twitterpated about something or someone in your life!

Working so much is interferring with my life!

I have never given much thought about winning the lottery . . one, I think I would have to play to win and second, anyone who knows me knows I have rotten luck! But working so much lately has me fantasizing about what I would do if I didn't have to work, would I be a happier person?

I just finished an article on "10 Things Scientists Say Can Make you Happy"

1) Savor Everyday Moments . . you know "smell the roses" or smell the chocolate whatever works for you

2) Avoid Comparisons . . . Keeping up with the Joneses . . or the Mike & Kelly's of the world . . . . lol

3) Put Money low on the list . . which I find easy when you don't have it

4) Have meaningful goals . . "happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure & meaning"

5) Take initiative at work . . . take a risk . . (like using the bathroom after a co-worker who's been in there for 15 minutes)

6) Make Friends, Treasure Family . . like to think I do this one . . but always room for improvement.

7) Smile even when you don't feel like it . . mission accomplished . . I do it to irritate people

8) Say thank you like you mean it . . . this is one of my favorite! thank - you, thank all of you!

9) Get out and exercise . . . working on this one daily . . makes you feel so good and who doesn't love to sweat!

10) Give it away, Give it away now . . . money, time, helping a neighbor, donating goods . . also makes you feel good! I really am working on this one . . I have tons that could go.

If I had more free time on my hands I could work on the list of 10 things . . but wait I am happy . . . so could these make me happier? So my goal the next two months is to incorporate these 10 things into my life - I believe that I do most of them anyway. . . but I'm adding a few more of my own.

11) Make sure I thank God each day for all of my blessing . . .especially the little ones that I often overlook

12) Don't get out of bed without stretching . . toes pointed and hands over your head . . not a sight for the weak at heart!

13) Sing out loud in the car . . OK try to look like your talking on your cell phone if it makes you feel better . . . like I've done that one

14) Take a deep breath of fresh air . . . fill up your lungs . . but don't swallow any bugs

15) Try to find time to look up to the heavens at the clouds or stars depending on the time of the day . . make sure you stand still for this one . . you know dog poo and all

You know if I ever do win the lottery I would just give most of it away . . . maybe having lots of money is over rated . . .

The cost of getting healthy!

I have made a commitment to myself that 2009 is the year I will finish the journey I started in January 2006 - have my skin removal surgery and get back to working out at least 30 minutes a day 6 days a week. One of the goals that I set for myself is to find 5k races in Mid-Michigan and walk one each month, March - October 2009.
So I've been walking my dog as often as my work schedule will allow to get some training in and I thought the shoes I had gotten would be great for my new venture . . . I was wrong! So on my sisters advice, thanks Kel, I went to Runners. Don't go there thinking you will get a pair of shoes for 19.95 . . . 150.00 later I had 3 new pair of socks and a great pair of walking shoes.
Saturday morning my friend, Pam and I headed out to walk a 5k in Flushing. Although the sun was shining it was rather chilly but once we got going it warmed up. This is the first time I have walked a race alone (at my own pace) - it was a great opportunity to set a time to base future races on. With my I-Pod ready to roll we headed out, Pam set out on her pace and was off on her own and me at my pace . . . dam short legs! Having my I-Pod with all my favorite songs . . . ZZ Topp . . . Lynard Skinnard (? on spelling) and of course . . . the best of Disco . . a little Cyndi Lauper . . "Girls just Wanta have Fun" I was off! Just when I didn't think I had it in my to go another step farther . . . "We are Family" starts blaring on my I-Pod . . . yes I did have all my sisters with me . . Jessie, Kelly, Lee, Margie, Auntie Kay, Donna, Jenny, Bonnie and Annette were all there in my head telling me I could do it, keep going, don't give up . . and there it was the beautiful line on the payment that said I was in the last mile and than as "Family Tradition with my man Hank" started . . . there was the finish line . . . I was almost there.
I completed in 51.40 . . . I was thinking an hour maybe an hour and 10 minutes . . (you have to remember that I'm just starting out.) I was so very proud of myself (I did however pull a mussel in my upper leg which I'm nursing here at work with a heating pad) . . . but all in all I'm feeling pretty good about my accomplishment. I'm looking forward to next month when I will walk another local race.
In June, Pam and I will be heading to Mackinaw Island for a 10k race . . . the thought of walking 6 miles has me a little freaked out but she says it's just like walking around Cedar Point . . . I forgot to tell her . . . I hate Cedar Point . . lol

Am I ready for cyber life?

I work such crazy hours and thankfully I can access a few things on the Internet here at work like blogs, email, my favorite site "obesityhelp". I can't access "facebook" or "myspace" and lately I have been getting tons of activity . . . OK not tons but more activity than I thought. I heard from Lauria, she is the daughter of the doctor my kids had while they were growing up, she sent a note wanting first to know how old they are and then what they were up to. I heard from a few high school friends who had nice comments to say about my picture. It's where I can find my favorite cousin, Kitty and hear from an old co-worker. At 51 have a "facebook" a "myspace" who'd figure! Kevin set up one and Jessie set up the other. It took me days to figure out how to change the picture and someday I want to add photos of my children and grand angel but haven't had the time . . as it takes me forever.

So I just feel like I'm from the old school where we call each other, run into each other in the store or the gas station. Don't get me wrong it's nice to see all my daughter's adventures in her blog and reconnect with old friends but I don't know how well I am at this cyber life . . .

I guess I am that old dog who does not want to learn new tricks!

Something to Share

For those of you who have never had the privilege of reading Maya Angelou's poem about being a Christian - please take the time to read it and then read it again. It is wonderful! I have been searching for this for the last year and in less than a minute my beautiful daughter had it to me. I wanted to share this because the words ring so true and with Easter Sunday approaching remembering how He gave his life for our sins I just wanted to share her words.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

Christians
By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'.
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."


When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.


When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.


When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow.


Christians do not think they are perfect or better than others.
They know they are not.

Not my usual Saturday Evening

Last night, Saturday, I found myself home alone . . weird because I usually work weekends and second because Kevin is usually here when I'm home . . but anyhow . . . I watched the Sex and The City Movie. If you didn't follow the show I don't know how much you would relate but to me it's about friendship and of course who's having sex . . . well I'm not but that's another blog . . sorry daughter!

At times I found myself crying uncontrollably and glad I wasn't in a theater and then I was laughing so hard that it hurt.

After the movie was over I started thinking about my friends (including you Little One) I have such wonderful friends/sisters. I can count on them for anything and probably have! The bond between the four women in the movie is so deep and I have that . . I'm so blessed. Of course I only tell the intimate details of my life to a few of my friends but all are just as important . . of course there is always that one friend (Donna) who gets to here it all . . .the good, bad and ugly . . . hopefully she can sleep through the night. . . lol!

Not having a man in my life I depend on my friends to catch me when I start to fall or when I feel I'm going insane . . it happens!

SO thank you for allowing me to vent/act crazy . . OK can you really tell the difference from my normal behavior . . come on lie to me!

Thank you all for being my friends/sisters, confidants, sounding board, big shoulder for me to cry on . . and most for believing in me and loving me!

Life is funny . . .

Who would have figured at my age I would be going through heart loss right along with my daughter. Today I let the secret love of my life go (my kids call him Toots) I have loved him more than half of my life - I always thought that when my children got older that we would grow old together. . . well that didn't happen! I have compared most of the men in my life to him - well a much younger him and he does not deserve me wasting another minute of my wonderful life on him, waiting for him to find time to call or fit me into his schedule . . . I've let go . . and it feels good. OK I'm not heartless it hurts and I'll always consider him the "one" but I deserve so much more and will not settle for less.
It is funny how we let, no ALLOW people to come into our lives and "set up shop" in our hearts who really don't deserve the space. Sometimes love is lost and sometime we just need to "evict" it from our hearts!
I heard from Jessie this morning and we were talking about life and just how short it is and how we need to find the beauty in life each day - something to remind us just how truly blessed we are to have family and friends to share it with. I personally like to find something that makes me laugh or just smile everyday . . . like for instance . . Jess is going to France this weekend and I asked her to find a few minutes to sing the following; I see London, I see France, I see someones underpants! How cool would that be, to be in France and sing that catchy little tune . . OK I'll grow up now . . . just kiddin!
Man I would love to be in France singing with her . . . instead I'll have to find a goofy song to sing in my head on the way home from work . . .

Food for thought

Tonight on the evening news they are talking about not delivering the mail on Saturday. . . OK I get it with the Internet people get there mail from friends on line, online newspapers and so on. But us older folks remember getting letters not cards but actual letters written from friends or family members. I still have a letter written by my Grampa Pettigrew when I was living in Alabama back in the early 1980's and every time I run across it I have to re-read it. My wonderful friend Joyce who lives in Tennessee still writes a few times a year and I have kept her letters also. Maybe because they are not typed on a computer but written with their own hand that warms my heart . . maybe because I feel honored that they took the time to think about me.
I myself am not a good speller and as you can read I am rotten at punctuation (but I love to type and share my craziness that's why I'm here). So I'm challenging anyone who reads this post to find a few minutes in your busy life to write a letter (not a card, or post card and actual letter) to someone you love, admire or just miss and say hello. Let them know that your thinking about them and wish them well. It will bring a smile to their heart and maybe they to will keep it as a treasure because it came from you. I hope after I'm gone and my children run acoss my treasured letters they read them before they toss them - they are a window into the past.
And for you youngsters who do everything on line . . . give me a call and I'll explain what a stamp is . . . lol

Completing my first 5K of 2009

Today along with a few of my friends from the support group completed my first 5k of 2009. Our goal was to finish and finish we did - as we got closer to the finish line we started talking about attending other races and I believe we should. I was dog tired as I had worked the midnight shift on Saturday night and only had 2 hours of sleep prior to the race - but it felt great.
There is something wonderful about how you feel when you complete a goal that you set for yourself. I actually have waited for something to start hurting like my knees, or feet but I got nothing! So that tells me I need to get out there and do it again. Walking along and talking made the time go by fast and I got to know one of the girls from our group, Pam. It was nice to be able to share thoughts about our weight loss journey in such a positive way.
: )

Beautiful Women

Yesterday I had the great pleasure of having dinner with the beautiful women in my family. We meet once a year (not nearly enough) as a group (thanks Marg & Linda) for dinner. As I looked around the table I realized how really blessed I am to have each and everyone of them in my life.

My sister-in-law Deb; What would a family get together's be without Deb, she is the Martha Stewart of our family. I have been blessed to have her as a sister for many years now.

Malory; Your growing to be a beautiful young women and I'm in love with your innocence for life. Your just beautiful!

Rachel; Another wonderful asset to our ever growing family. You have fit in with us . . even though we are an acquired taste - you have accepted us gracefully!

Linda; You are a niece to me and I know whenever your around it's going to be fun. I love you and your zest for life!

Auntie Kay; Now that's one cool chick - I admire you more than you'll every know. . and you have great jewelry.

Margie; Your the best! I love you to the moon and . . . beyond! and you have great hair!

Jen Jen; You are here with us for a reason and someday you'll realize it. Your a beautiful women and you will have a wonderful future ahead of you. . . and I love you so. . . and your hair looked fab!

Angie; Ole blue eyes! You rule at life! and I love you.

Lee Lee; You don't give yourself enough credit for being the kind, loving person you are. I love you so much! and I like the pink shirt you had on . . . forgot to tell you . . .

Kel; In my next life I want to be you . . . you know with Mike and everything . . . lol
You complete me!

And my mommy; I'm blessed to be your daughter . . . no really I mean it . . not kidding!
I love you soooo much!

Unfortunately my brown eyed girl could not join us this year but I have hope for next year. . .

And let us not forget who got there first this year . . . 2009 . . . Kristy Jean not late . . . oh ya I rule . . . OK maybe I'll rule in 2010

Gotta Love the Sun!

When I left work today heading home through Saginaw I noticed more traffic than usual - of course it was Friday and I was on Bay Road . . . people were driving faster than usual than I started moving along with the music on the radio possibly driving a little faster than usual and it hit me . . . it was the sunshine.
With the promise of a nice weekend ahead people were out and about probably getting errands done and looking forward to the first real nice weekend since last year. It is funny how our moods revolve around the sun, well for me anyway. I will be spending my time indoors most of the weekend working but I do have lots of windows so I can at least see the sunshine and sometimes that is all that I need. . . to just know it's shining, warming up the ground so the flowers and grass can get ready to sprout. I love days like today they give us hope that the winter days are behind us and the long summer days are waiting ahead of us. I am not one to wish my life away but I'm looking so forward to this summer. Kevin will be home for the first time in four years for the whole summer - it will be great seeing him outside with Hanna. Jessica may be spending many days this summer in the States . . . I love taking walks with her and the fun I had with her last 4th of July remains a great memory. Spending time on my parents patio with my family . . . Spring for me is a lot like the caterpillar who is ready to emerge from the cocoon - I'm ready to turn into a summer butterfly and enjoy the sun.

No motivation . . WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!

I can't seem to get motivated. I've been cleaning out drawers, I did wall papered my kitchen (with help from Kelly) than I lost my motivation. In my "pretend world" (you know the one I live in my head), I get up at dawn and go to the gym every morning and then pick up my house, I have no dirty laundry, I have all my crafts projects done and need little or no make-up on this old face to head off to my job! BUT in my "real life" I've been thinking about going to the gym at dawn every morning, my house is dusty and I have at any given time at least two loads of laundry waiting to be done. . . . and my make up job is starting to become more like the prep for a Hollywood Horror Movie - the amount of make-up it takes just to cover up my "real face". . . oh my!

I'm hoping it's just this cold weather, I feel great when I'm in the car and the warm sun is hitting my skin, I think I should be walking the dog or power walking the River Walk - then I get out of the car and reality hits . . . crap it's cold outside. So I'm setting small and realistic goals for myself ones that I know with little effort I can reach so I can get my motivation back - I'm also hoping after walking in the St. Pat's race that I will feel better about myself and I can check off one thing on my ever growing list of things I want to accomplish this year.


I'm toying with the idea of training for walking the Crim in August. I need to start getting it together if that is where I heading and not just in my head.

I get so much done in my head . . it's actually getting it to happen in the real world that is becoming the problem . . . lol!

If you can't say anything nice . . . .

I can remember my mom saying when I was a little kid "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all". That is pretty much all I can say about why I haven't posted anything in a while . . . I couldn't say anything nice . . . at all. And please don't ask me why . . . someday I'll be ready to talk about all my last month woos . . but not now.

Then last night my beautiful Hanna crawled in bed with me and fell asleep with her head on my shoulder - she had just gotten out of the bath tub and she smelled so good. As I listened to her breathing change while she fell off to dreamland I remembered how much I loved the smell of my kids when they got out of the bath tub and got their jammies on . . then I tucked them in bed and gave them the last hug of the day . . . then I realized that despite the differences my kids have and the stress of my job . . and on and on . . . that God has given me the gift to hold my granddaughter as she fell asleep . . a mind clear enough to remember so vividly the smell and feel of my kids twenty years ago. . . . so no matter how bad I think things are there is always something to really be thankful for. Sometime it's just the small things that make you see clearly all of life's blessing!

So tonight before you go to sleep give thanks for something small in your life maybe something that you take for granted . . . and dream of a past memory that makes you smile.

Looking at older men - through these old eyes!

OK - if you really know me you know I love to look at men . . . of all ages. But something happened to me today that got me thinking about how I look at men. First of all I stopped to pay my cable bill on my way to work and ran into a guy that I have known since I was a little girl he is younger than I am . . . we'll call him "Dean". I have seen him through the years . . mostly jogging through town or snooping around at the Flea Market and I must say he has aged very nicely and then I started to think as he sat there with his bifocals on the end of his nose and small amount of gray at his temples, I look at men differently now that I have become older. Don't get me wrong I still run over the curb watching young guys jogging in my rear view mirror, but now that I have "matured" I find myself looking at them differently. Let's face it at my age most men have had a wife or two and have aged according to God's plan. But not him he's beautiful . . but it got me thinking about what I'm looking for in a man (you know other than the usual, breathing and man parts! . . sorry daughter!) I look at men in a whole new way, gray temples or no hair at all, pot belly's, nose hair . . just kidding about the nose hair! Example; I have known one of my brother-in-laws almost all my life so much that he is almost like my real brother but he looks so cute in his glasses, of course there was a time when he didn't have to wear any glasses and that is what I'm saying - mature men take on a appeal of their own one I never noticed until today. There is something about a mature man that keeps my heart beating, maybe it's the possibility that I still have time to meet someone and grow older with them . . we all have an idea about what kind of person we are attracted to but as I age the list seems to be getting shorter - so if that guy living in the box on the corner is suddenly missing he could be sleeping on my couch . . lol!

I'm sick!

I feel like a big baby, I called into work sick. I can't remember when I did that last. My nose is running and I'm coughing like crazy. Why is it no matter how old I get I still want my mom to make me some soup and tell me everything is going to be fine. What is there about feeling under the weather that makes me want to run and hide under the covers until all is well. Or maybe that's just me. I know when I'm having a bad day physically or mentally (which we all know happen more than the physically!) we need the comforting words and smiles from our moms, sisters, children or friends. . . heck Hanna was patting me on the back last night tell me to "breath granny" between my coughing fits. There is something comforting about the voice of people we love who bring us comfort.
My number one child needs me over in Switzerland not for anything but a hug a smile or a kiss on her forehead but she needs me and that made me feel better tonight. Not because she is struggling with her life just because she needs to feel the comfort we all need when struggling. I wish I could be there for her - to hold her hand and tell her that all will work itself in time. God definitely has a presents in her life and her faith in Him brings me great comfort when I can't be there to hold her. Sometimes we forget to be thankful for the little things that happen in our life that really make a big impact on us . . . like that big hug at the airport that has to last for months and words of encouragement to our friend as they depart to place their father at his final resting spot. Words and small signs of love that we show each other through the day and our lives make more difference than I think we all realize.
I got to see Jess on the "web cam" tonight and she looked beautiful. I will sleep good with the vision of her beautiful face on my mind and remind myself as I drift off to sleep how blessed I am for all the blessing in my life. . . and that alone should make me fell better!

Maybe I am lacking more in my life??

At my age making decisions becomes a major event. Like hair color I spend lots of time wondering what to do about my hair color - I could go really wild but then I would look like I was trying to be to young and if I stay safe . . . (reddish brown) then I feel boring. So I'm having my hair highlighted again tomorrow. . . why do I make this such a big deal it's just hair.
I plan my meals a day at a time, heck I even know which day I will be doing my laundry and cleaning my bathroom - my calendar is full of appointments for dinners with friends and time with family - but I can't seem to make a real decision on hair color. Does this mean I need more "fiber" so to speak in my life?? I have a very full life - wonderful kids, granddaughter, family and friends, a good job and God in my life . . . so what's my problem when a little thing like this gets so much of my attention! I think if I took the time and worry I put into making small decision and more time working on my craziness . . . little decisions wouldn't be such a big deal.
The biggest one is I need to declutter - I'm taking a tip from my friend Pam, she has a great plan to do "Five for Friday's" pick five things you need to do and get them done on Friday . . or whichever day works for you. I think I'm avoiding my clutter by spending to much time on the little mindless decisions that really don't matter much. I have tons of things that need to find a new home, I did make one step in the right direction, I found a co-worker who will take most of my craft stuff - so that will be a big help. Now I just have to get motivated to box it up and get it out of my house. Maybe I'll set a goal to have half boxed up by mid-February . . . OK probably not going to happen . . maybe instead of spending so much time worrying about making mindless decisions . . . I'll day dream about decluttering!

Winter

This morning on my way to work the disc jockey "Jim" was talking about how ugly the snow is getting with the last few "warmer" days we have had. OK so this is what he said "I hope we get some fresh snow to cover up the ugly snow". WELL . . I'm all about Winter I love snow, staying home, being in my sweats, chili, football and big sweaters . . . but I think I've had just about enough winter. I really miss the warm sun . . . longer days . . and flowers. Heck I even wouldn't mind cutting the grass. I am not one to wish my life away, heck I've already lived half of it but Spring can't come fast enough this year. Maybe it's because I'm feeling so much better that I want to get out on the river walk or maybe it's because I know that Jessie will be back in the States but I'm longing for Spring . . . after all it's only 56 days away!

Moods

What constitutes your mood for the day? If the sun is shinning when you open your eyes
are you happy, smiling, joyful??
If it's gloomy are you crabby, sad, a grouch?
Well I pride myself in being a fairly even tempered person. But today when I got to work (I'm working 8 hours overtime this morning, I am on afternoons) the "new guy" was at my desk. Now mind you we don't have assigned desk, we are on a schedule and are assigned areas by our schedule. But when you are on overtime you work the desk that is vacant . . well today two people are off. So in my mind I thought because I had department seniority I would have a choice . . . well one can dream! Well when I saw the new guy at the desk that I left all my stuff sitting at when I left last night at 11:30 I was surprised . . one because he had shoved all my stuff to the end of the desk and then told me if I would get to work earlier I could have had the choice . . . well as it was I was 20 minutes early only got about 4 hours of sleep and didn't expect that kind of reception on Monday morning. MOOD SET . . . I'm a crab . . or maybe even the big B word. I have to work 16 hours today and tomorrow and I don't want to talk to anyone . . out of the ordinary for me. Maybe as the day goes on I will snap out of it.
Maybe what made me so mad is that he was a smart "a" . . hey that's my job. However I wouldn't have said something rude to my "new co-worker". The new guy is now my rotation partner, I hope I shake off my new dislike before we are working alone together . . or this will be a long 14 years until retirement.
So as I type this I can feel the wrinkles between my eyebrows gaining strength - my teeth hurt from clenching them and my overall body language saying just stay away from me. So I guess thank goodness for bypass surgery or I would be face first in a Hershey Bar . . sitting here with chocolate from ear to ear . . . just the thought of that is making me feel better already! : )
Well maybe writing down your feelings does work - I do feel better venting - but I'm still not ready to be nice to the new guy . . shame on me!
I'll go think about chocolate now!

Three Years and Counting

Three years ago today I set out on a journey to change my life, for the last two years I have beat myself up because I felt like I hadn't completed the journey.
I'll explain . . I had gastric bypass surgery three years ago today but never reached the goal I had set for myself, in fact at one time I was so close to my goal and than the one thing I thought I had under control wasn't . . I thought I had the emotional eating thing licked, no problem, I can handle anything and then my son went to Iraq . . . the thing I thought I had beaten had a hold of me like never before. I tried to act like I was so cool, like I knew God was his personal angel and that he was sure to be protected at all times . . . but I feared every minute the opposite . . . every black car that passed my house I thought for sure was the "one" coming to see me . . . I had bad dreams that I never shared with even my sisters or closest friends. I didn't want anyone to see my weakness, my fears but if I had been realistic I could see that they were seeing the 20 lbs I had gained and maybe even feared that I would continue to climb in weight. Not to mention that my daughter was traveling the world and on most days I wasn't sure where she was and my grand daughter had moved out of my house and was on a journey of her own.

I have not given myself much credit for my victories the last few years but today I am!
I am a success even if just in my own world;

1) I have kept my weight gain at 20 lbs or less, something I could have never done in the other life.
2) I am off all prescription medication
3) I can move like never before, even with the arthritis
4) I'm no longer a size 30/32, but wear a 16
5) I no longer have multiple chins

I think if I really put my mind and heart into it the list would be endless . . so on my three year anniversary of my surgery I'm going to stop looking at what I didn't accomplish and celebrate all that I did!