The monster lurking inside of me

I have fought bouts of depression all my life, I have never let it get the best of me but it is always there lurking in the back ground. I don't think I am that much different than anyone else I just admit that I get depressed. I thought when I lost weight it would go away but no . . it follows me around.

There are some days when I don't feel like I really belong anywhere, like I don't fit in with my sisters, family or my friends. I have always felt connected to my two kids and my grand-daughter but lately I feel kind of lost . . have you ever felt that way?

I feel very disconnect and am not sure how to get "reconnected". . .

I think people sometimes think just because you smile a lot that everything in your life is great . . that is a misconception.

Maybe it's the lack of sun lately that has me singing the winter blues . . I miss being able to just walk out the door and work out all the worlds problems with just a good walk. Hopefully spring will get here and feeling the warm sun on my wrinkled face will make the world right again . . .

Someday my Prince will come . . yeah right!

One morning this past week I took my grand-daughter to pre-school in her dads truck when the princess CD began playing . . (apparently they listen to this when they are driving). . . Cinderella started singing "Someday my prince will come" . . . so that got me to thinking maybe I thought that was true in my twenty's or even thirty's but once the forty's came and went I knew the idea of my "Knight in Shinning Armor" was no longer a reality.

So now that I am in my fifties . . my vision of the prince has changed slightly . . . my prince is now a King . . probably retired . . his kingdom is a mobile home in Florida and his white horse is an old white Chevy truck . . with rust on the fender . . if you know what I mean . . lol

My wish for my daughter that she can tell her children her fairy tale someday and that my grand-daughter will be able to repeat her story of love to her children . . . and so on . . . I hope that as long as they live and believe in love they never give up the hope that dreams really do come true.

I still haven't given up hope that I will meet my King someday . . but for now . . I will keep looking at all the Prince's and hopefully they all have single fathers who are Kings . . .