Sunday, January 25, 2009

Maybe I am lacking more in my life??

At my age making decisions becomes a major event. Like hair color I spend lots of time wondering what to do about my hair color - I could go really wild but then I would look like I was trying to be to young and if I stay safe . . . (reddish brown) then I feel boring. So I'm having my hair highlighted again tomorrow. . . why do I make this such a big deal it's just hair.
I plan my meals a day at a time, heck I even know which day I will be doing my laundry and cleaning my bathroom - my calendar is full of appointments for dinners with friends and time with family - but I can't seem to make a real decision on hair color. Does this mean I need more "fiber" so to speak in my life?? I have a very full life - wonderful kids, granddaughter, family and friends, a good job and God in my life . . . so what's my problem when a little thing like this gets so much of my attention! I think if I took the time and worry I put into making small decision and more time working on my craziness . . . little decisions wouldn't be such a big deal.
The biggest one is I need to declutter - I'm taking a tip from my friend Pam, she has a great plan to do "Five for Friday's" pick five things you need to do and get them done on Friday . . or whichever day works for you. I think I'm avoiding my clutter by spending to much time on the little mindless decisions that really don't matter much. I have tons of things that need to find a new home, I did make one step in the right direction, I found a co-worker who will take most of my craft stuff - so that will be a big help. Now I just have to get motivated to box it up and get it out of my house. Maybe I'll set a goal to have half boxed up by mid-February . . . OK probably not going to happen . . maybe instead of spending so much time worrying about making mindless decisions . . . I'll day dream about decluttering!

Friday, January 23, 2009


This morning on my way to work the disc jockey "Jim" was talking about how ugly the snow is getting with the last few "warmer" days we have had. OK so this is what he said "I hope we get some fresh snow to cover up the ugly snow". WELL . . I'm all about Winter I love snow, staying home, being in my sweats, chili, football and big sweaters . . . but I think I've had just about enough winter. I really miss the warm sun . . . longer days . . and flowers. Heck I even wouldn't mind cutting the grass. I am not one to wish my life away, heck I've already lived half of it but Spring can't come fast enough this year. Maybe it's because I'm feeling so much better that I want to get out on the river walk or maybe it's because I know that Jessie will be back in the States but I'm longing for Spring . . . after all it's only 56 days away!

Monday, January 19, 2009


What constitutes your mood for the day? If the sun is shinning when you open your eyes
are you happy, smiling, joyful??
If it's gloomy are you crabby, sad, a grouch?
Well I pride myself in being a fairly even tempered person. But today when I got to work (I'm working 8 hours overtime this morning, I am on afternoons) the "new guy" was at my desk. Now mind you we don't have assigned desk, we are on a schedule and are assigned areas by our schedule. But when you are on overtime you work the desk that is vacant . . well today two people are off. So in my mind I thought because I had department seniority I would have a choice . . . well one can dream! Well when I saw the new guy at the desk that I left all my stuff sitting at when I left last night at 11:30 I was surprised . . one because he had shoved all my stuff to the end of the desk and then told me if I would get to work earlier I could have had the choice . . . well as it was I was 20 minutes early only got about 4 hours of sleep and didn't expect that kind of reception on Monday morning. MOOD SET . . . I'm a crab . . or maybe even the big B word. I have to work 16 hours today and tomorrow and I don't want to talk to anyone . . out of the ordinary for me. Maybe as the day goes on I will snap out of it.
Maybe what made me so mad is that he was a smart "a" . . hey that's my job. However I wouldn't have said something rude to my "new co-worker". The new guy is now my rotation partner, I hope I shake off my new dislike before we are working alone together . . or this will be a long 14 years until retirement.
So as I type this I can feel the wrinkles between my eyebrows gaining strength - my teeth hurt from clenching them and my overall body language saying just stay away from me. So I guess thank goodness for bypass surgery or I would be face first in a Hershey Bar . . sitting here with chocolate from ear to ear . . . just the thought of that is making me feel better already! : )
Well maybe writing down your feelings does work - I do feel better venting - but I'm still not ready to be nice to the new guy . . shame on me!
I'll go think about chocolate now!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Three Years and Counting

Three years ago today I set out on a journey to change my life, for the last two years I have beat myself up because I felt like I hadn't completed the journey.
I'll explain . . I had gastric bypass surgery three years ago today but never reached the goal I had set for myself, in fact at one time I was so close to my goal and than the one thing I thought I had under control wasn't . . I thought I had the emotional eating thing licked, no problem, I can handle anything and then my son went to Iraq . . . the thing I thought I had beaten had a hold of me like never before. I tried to act like I was so cool, like I knew God was his personal angel and that he was sure to be protected at all times . . . but I feared every minute the opposite . . . every black car that passed my house I thought for sure was the "one" coming to see me . . . I had bad dreams that I never shared with even my sisters or closest friends. I didn't want anyone to see my weakness, my fears but if I had been realistic I could see that they were seeing the 20 lbs I had gained and maybe even feared that I would continue to climb in weight. Not to mention that my daughter was traveling the world and on most days I wasn't sure where she was and my grand daughter had moved out of my house and was on a journey of her own.

I have not given myself much credit for my victories the last few years but today I am!
I am a success even if just in my own world;

1) I have kept my weight gain at 20 lbs or less, something I could have never done in the other life.
2) I am off all prescription medication
3) I can move like never before, even with the arthritis
4) I'm no longer a size 30/32, but wear a 16
5) I no longer have multiple chins

I think if I really put my mind and heart into it the list would be endless . . so on my three year anniversary of my surgery I'm going to stop looking at what I didn't accomplish and celebrate all that I did!