Not my usual Saturday Evening

Last night, Saturday, I found myself home alone . . weird because I usually work weekends and second because Kevin is usually here when I'm home . . but anyhow . . . I watched the Sex and The City Movie. If you didn't follow the show I don't know how much you would relate but to me it's about friendship and of course who's having sex . . . well I'm not but that's another blog . . sorry daughter!

At times I found myself crying uncontrollably and glad I wasn't in a theater and then I was laughing so hard that it hurt.

After the movie was over I started thinking about my friends (including you Little One) I have such wonderful friends/sisters. I can count on them for anything and probably have! The bond between the four women in the movie is so deep and I have that . . I'm so blessed. Of course I only tell the intimate details of my life to a few of my friends but all are just as important . . of course there is always that one friend (Donna) who gets to here it all . . .the good, bad and ugly . . . hopefully she can sleep through the night. . . lol!

Not having a man in my life I depend on my friends to catch me when I start to fall or when I feel I'm going insane . . it happens!

SO thank you for allowing me to vent/act crazy . . OK can you really tell the difference from my normal behavior . . come on lie to me!

Thank you all for being my friends/sisters, confidants, sounding board, big shoulder for me to cry on . . and most for believing in me and loving me!

Life is funny . . .

Who would have figured at my age I would be going through heart loss right along with my daughter. Today I let the secret love of my life go (my kids call him Toots) I have loved him more than half of my life - I always thought that when my children got older that we would grow old together. . . well that didn't happen! I have compared most of the men in my life to him - well a much younger him and he does not deserve me wasting another minute of my wonderful life on him, waiting for him to find time to call or fit me into his schedule . . . I've let go . . and it feels good. OK I'm not heartless it hurts and I'll always consider him the "one" but I deserve so much more and will not settle for less.
It is funny how we let, no ALLOW people to come into our lives and "set up shop" in our hearts who really don't deserve the space. Sometimes love is lost and sometime we just need to "evict" it from our hearts!
I heard from Jessie this morning and we were talking about life and just how short it is and how we need to find the beauty in life each day - something to remind us just how truly blessed we are to have family and friends to share it with. I personally like to find something that makes me laugh or just smile everyday . . . like for instance . . Jess is going to France this weekend and I asked her to find a few minutes to sing the following; I see London, I see France, I see someones underpants! How cool would that be, to be in France and sing that catchy little tune . . OK I'll grow up now . . . just kiddin!
Man I would love to be in France singing with her . . . instead I'll have to find a goofy song to sing in my head on the way home from work . . .

Food for thought

Tonight on the evening news they are talking about not delivering the mail on Saturday. . . OK I get it with the Internet people get there mail from friends on line, online newspapers and so on. But us older folks remember getting letters not cards but actual letters written from friends or family members. I still have a letter written by my Grampa Pettigrew when I was living in Alabama back in the early 1980's and every time I run across it I have to re-read it. My wonderful friend Joyce who lives in Tennessee still writes a few times a year and I have kept her letters also. Maybe because they are not typed on a computer but written with their own hand that warms my heart . . maybe because I feel honored that they took the time to think about me.
I myself am not a good speller and as you can read I am rotten at punctuation (but I love to type and share my craziness that's why I'm here). So I'm challenging anyone who reads this post to find a few minutes in your busy life to write a letter (not a card, or post card and actual letter) to someone you love, admire or just miss and say hello. Let them know that your thinking about them and wish them well. It will bring a smile to their heart and maybe they to will keep it as a treasure because it came from you. I hope after I'm gone and my children run acoss my treasured letters they read them before they toss them - they are a window into the past.
And for you youngsters who do everything on line . . . give me a call and I'll explain what a stamp is . . . lol

Completing my first 5K of 2009

Today along with a few of my friends from the support group completed my first 5k of 2009. Our goal was to finish and finish we did - as we got closer to the finish line we started talking about attending other races and I believe we should. I was dog tired as I had worked the midnight shift on Saturday night and only had 2 hours of sleep prior to the race - but it felt great.
There is something wonderful about how you feel when you complete a goal that you set for yourself. I actually have waited for something to start hurting like my knees, or feet but I got nothing! So that tells me I need to get out there and do it again. Walking along and talking made the time go by fast and I got to know one of the girls from our group, Pam. It was nice to be able to share thoughts about our weight loss journey in such a positive way.
: )

Beautiful Women

Yesterday I had the great pleasure of having dinner with the beautiful women in my family. We meet once a year (not nearly enough) as a group (thanks Marg & Linda) for dinner. As I looked around the table I realized how really blessed I am to have each and everyone of them in my life.

My sister-in-law Deb; What would a family get together's be without Deb, she is the Martha Stewart of our family. I have been blessed to have her as a sister for many years now.

Malory; Your growing to be a beautiful young women and I'm in love with your innocence for life. Your just beautiful!

Rachel; Another wonderful asset to our ever growing family. You have fit in with us . . even though we are an acquired taste - you have accepted us gracefully!

Linda; You are a niece to me and I know whenever your around it's going to be fun. I love you and your zest for life!

Auntie Kay; Now that's one cool chick - I admire you more than you'll every know. . and you have great jewelry.

Margie; Your the best! I love you to the moon and . . . beyond! and you have great hair!

Jen Jen; You are here with us for a reason and someday you'll realize it. Your a beautiful women and you will have a wonderful future ahead of you. . . and I love you so. . . and your hair looked fab!

Angie; Ole blue eyes! You rule at life! and I love you.

Lee Lee; You don't give yourself enough credit for being the kind, loving person you are. I love you so much! and I like the pink shirt you had on . . . forgot to tell you . . .

Kel; In my next life I want to be you . . . you know with Mike and everything . . . lol
You complete me!

And my mommy; I'm blessed to be your daughter . . . no really I mean it . . not kidding!
I love you soooo much!

Unfortunately my brown eyed girl could not join us this year but I have hope for next year. . .

And let us not forget who got there first this year . . . 2009 . . . Kristy Jean not late . . . oh ya I rule . . . OK maybe I'll rule in 2010

Gotta Love the Sun!

When I left work today heading home through Saginaw I noticed more traffic than usual - of course it was Friday and I was on Bay Road . . . people were driving faster than usual than I started moving along with the music on the radio possibly driving a little faster than usual and it hit me . . . it was the sunshine.
With the promise of a nice weekend ahead people were out and about probably getting errands done and looking forward to the first real nice weekend since last year. It is funny how our moods revolve around the sun, well for me anyway. I will be spending my time indoors most of the weekend working but I do have lots of windows so I can at least see the sunshine and sometimes that is all that I need. . . to just know it's shining, warming up the ground so the flowers and grass can get ready to sprout. I love days like today they give us hope that the winter days are behind us and the long summer days are waiting ahead of us. I am not one to wish my life away but I'm looking so forward to this summer. Kevin will be home for the first time in four years for the whole summer - it will be great seeing him outside with Hanna. Jessica may be spending many days this summer in the States . . . I love taking walks with her and the fun I had with her last 4th of July remains a great memory. Spending time on my parents patio with my family . . . Spring for me is a lot like the caterpillar who is ready to emerge from the cocoon - I'm ready to turn into a summer butterfly and enjoy the sun.

No motivation . . WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!

I can't seem to get motivated. I've been cleaning out drawers, I did wall papered my kitchen (with help from Kelly) than I lost my motivation. In my "pretend world" (you know the one I live in my head), I get up at dawn and go to the gym every morning and then pick up my house, I have no dirty laundry, I have all my crafts projects done and need little or no make-up on this old face to head off to my job! BUT in my "real life" I've been thinking about going to the gym at dawn every morning, my house is dusty and I have at any given time at least two loads of laundry waiting to be done. . . . and my make up job is starting to become more like the prep for a Hollywood Horror Movie - the amount of make-up it takes just to cover up my "real face". . . oh my!

I'm hoping it's just this cold weather, I feel great when I'm in the car and the warm sun is hitting my skin, I think I should be walking the dog or power walking the River Walk - then I get out of the car and reality hits . . . crap it's cold outside. So I'm setting small and realistic goals for myself ones that I know with little effort I can reach so I can get my motivation back - I'm also hoping after walking in the St. Pat's race that I will feel better about myself and I can check off one thing on my ever growing list of things I want to accomplish this year.


I'm toying with the idea of training for walking the Crim in August. I need to start getting it together if that is where I heading and not just in my head.

I get so much done in my head . . it's actually getting it to happen in the real world that is becoming the problem . . . lol!

If you can't say anything nice . . . .

I can remember my mom saying when I was a little kid "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all". That is pretty much all I can say about why I haven't posted anything in a while . . . I couldn't say anything nice . . . at all. And please don't ask me why . . . someday I'll be ready to talk about all my last month woos . . but not now.

Then last night my beautiful Hanna crawled in bed with me and fell asleep with her head on my shoulder - she had just gotten out of the bath tub and she smelled so good. As I listened to her breathing change while she fell off to dreamland I remembered how much I loved the smell of my kids when they got out of the bath tub and got their jammies on . . then I tucked them in bed and gave them the last hug of the day . . . then I realized that despite the differences my kids have and the stress of my job . . and on and on . . . that God has given me the gift to hold my granddaughter as she fell asleep . . a mind clear enough to remember so vividly the smell and feel of my kids twenty years ago. . . . so no matter how bad I think things are there is always something to really be thankful for. Sometime it's just the small things that make you see clearly all of life's blessing!

So tonight before you go to sleep give thanks for something small in your life maybe something that you take for granted . . . and dream of a past memory that makes you smile.